I wish I had more googly eyes in my life

Back again, with some slightly more humorous anecdotes this time.

Being a cripple, as you can imagine, I find myself feeling more vulnerable than usual. And never more so, than when I have the horrifying realisation, half way to the bus stop, that I have indeed FORGOTTEN to put the BELT on my jeans. I decided see if they could SQUEEZE over the turkey roll that was my foot, and (after a bit of time and pain) they did! I have managed to acquire what I call my 'sick belly'; which turned up after not leaving my room and storing A LOT of food within reach of my 'cripple bed', so I didn't think I would need my TRUSTY leather friend. Obviously I wasn't taking into account the EXTRA IMPACT of the hopping involved in my travel. Mistake not made again.


Now, if any of you are wondering, I do shower. Nearly daily. But, as I can't stand up whilst bathing, I have a SUPER shower stool. It is the PERFECT size for being able to reach the shower head when it's positioned right at the bottom. Such a wonderful solution I hear MYSELF cry. EXCEPT, when once, just ONCE, I forget to store away my bathing buddy:

I come up the stairs one afternoon to my only male house mate (who has been away all weekend, in the name of fun and socialising, on a very physically demanding team building and exorcise outing of some kind(!?)) declaring that my SHOWER STOOL was just what he needed   after such a shattering weekend!! Now every time I tentatively lower my DELICATE buttocks on to my tainted little seat, I have to try very hard NOT to imagine his SWEATY bollocks stuck to it whilst I wash. Vile.


For those of you who don't know me so well, you should know that I am not a shopper. Things don't fit me off the hanger if they have long SLEEVES or legs, or actually even a BODY either. I can't buy GIRLY shoes and I don't wear make up... I just don't often have the opportunity to part take in this activity. Especially when it comes to having the biggest shopping centre in Europe on my doorstep; Westfield Stratford City.
Which makes it even more worrying when I have an ACTUAL real life DESIRE to ENTER such an establishment and include myself in the going in and out of shops AND looking at stuff. WITH the aim to BUY.
This is of course, just soul destroying even thinking about doing this on crutches. BUT, and this is a big 'but', I have discovered SHOP MOBILITY. Yes! Allowing the disabled and slow to access the shops just as the 'normal' do! Just, lower down, where no one can see you until they're on top of you...; I exchange my crutches for a WHEELCHAIR!!
Going to the supermarket (when accompanied by responsible adults) is transformed into a DREAM. It's IDEAL terrain for a wheelchair; I just have to watch I don't get over excited and knock over small children. Awkward apologises...
Only thing is, most of my 'friends' are too ASHAMED to have me follow them around in a cripple enabling device. I think it's mostly jealousy, but I won't show them up. Only a couple have allowed my this JOY, and insisted on filming me as I was chased by children. SUCH fun.


Those of you more into your SLAPSTICK comedy, I don't disappoint. I have had to venture out in the rain. Pretty unavoidable. Which does usually leave me, at least once or twice, with my crutches outstretched to either side of me, where they have slipped on lovely GREEN lichen, or well POLISHED flooring. Meaning I am hunched over trying to figure out how best to manouver myself forward without it involving my FACE, or knees, making contact with the PAVEMENT. Who isn't up for a bit mild PERIL these days!?


I leave you with this; A CHALLENGE!!

Make yourself a cup of tea. Any sort with do, though I do enjoy the aroma of the fruit infusions.
Now, HOP into the NEXT room, and take your tea WITH you! Don't spill a drop. Well, okay, I'll allow you ONE drop!!
This, thanks to the beefy MUSCLES I have built up next to my amusing flabby yet skinny PIN on the other side, is a SKILL I have picked up. I'm amending my CV now; Super suspension in lower right limb!

Thanks for taking the time to exorcise your eyes :D

Love
C xxx