I wish I had a stair lift

I am now entering my seventh week of non weight bearing.

As, much as I want to come across as a hilarity, I can't help but feel this might be a bit on the grumbly side. I want you to laugh at me and with me though, so don't feel bad!!


My wrists are in constant pain from carrying the weight of ME around on them most of the day. I tell myself that I'll stop leaving the house until I can wash my back again without the fear of my hands falling off... Then I forget. Only to remember again when I'm in the shower and unable to reach my back. Dirty.

One of my most regular journeys I make as a cripple is to the hospital. Easy enough; a bus pretty much door to door. Then, I get to the lift. Which is behind a door. Why do lifts need to be behind big heavy doors, that most, including myself, struggle with, even with the FULL amount of able limbs!
This, I would probably be able to let go, if, when I got to my second floor destination (where all the broken, weak and injured people come to be seen by a  doctor/ nurse/ physio) I didn't have to go through THREE more sets of heavy, one way doors. WHY so many! Why not make them automatic to accommodate their clientèle?! Or at least the sort that STAY when you pull them open, rather than falling, full weight, back on me as I'm half way through, trying to keep a smile on my face, in case anyone saw!
I have quite a fun (and effective) technique of steadying myself on my crutches then propelling my bum into the door to open it with enough force to allow myself to turn around in enough time and slip through. The last time I did this, however, I very nearly knocked someone, the other side of the door, over. Her (chavy looking, middle aged) daughter was NOT pleased, and gave me evils as I passed her and until the doors eventually closed with her on the other side.
I might think twice before giving this manouver such gusto next time.

A couple people have pointed out to me that I sound like an old lady when recounting 'how my day has been', or 'how I've been coping'. This is understandable, as I moan about not being able to go out in bad weather, and give them an update on my (newly acquired skill of) knitting. 

The scary thing, however, is my 'cripple bed'.
Anything I need, want or use on a daily basis is within reach of my clammy little bed; diary, books, water, radio, tissues, NOTEBOOK and PEN. I feel like a well settled hospital patient; the kind I'm always a little suspicious of when I care for them. I never understood how they could be SO lazy. Could they really not have the radio on the otherside of the room and just STAND UP to turn it on. With the bathroom NEXT door, why don't they just leave the loo roll there, and get it when needed, rather than having it CONSTANTLY at hand?!
I have become a suspiciously settled hospital patient in MY OWN home! Sad times.

Along side my cripple bed, I also have a puzzle book, that my beautifully well meaning sister bought for me during my brief hospital stay, post surgery. However I have hardly looked at is as it has become a major source of depression.
I usually enjoy a good puzzle session, but I now realise, this was when I was working with the elderly or the very young. (i.e. the demented, or undeveloped brain)
The puzzles in this book are aimed at people with an average brain capacity. After a half hour of initial struggling with every other page I had to put it down, and am loath if I will pick it up again without my sister for mental and emotional support!

My current diet is mostly 'convenient', 'quick' and 'easy'. I find it hard to stand on one leg for more than about 10 mins, so this is an essential. As this food is not fresh (as I can't get to the shops) it is pretty much CARB CITY. My normal diet is pretty high in protein (lentils, beans and fish), veg and occasionally rice. SO it was hard for me to adjust to eating pasta/ bread/ CARBS for every single meal!
Well, to be honest, at first I welcomed the salty and cheesy 'ready in 5 mins' pasta meals and the packaged couscous with the all the flavours already added (that me and my family bulk bought)!! I could add the water and let my house mates keep an eye on it as they cooked their own meals as I sat close by.
Now, I can't bare it! I think I would have been fine, if well wishing friends hadn't started bringing me salad and hummous and fresh CARROTS to dip! Now, I have to stop myself from looking at ALL the ingredients on the back of these packets that I don't UNDERSTAND!! Since when was it acceptable to EAT NUMBERS?! 


I do have MORE stories to come, and FUNNIER ones too, but I think that's quite enough of my ennui being expressed for one day!!

Thanks for reading! And if you have any questions into the way I have adapted my awkward daily routine, chuck them my way.

Love
C xxx